El Roi : The God Who Sees Part 3
- Series: Names of God
- by: Rebekah Crosby 02/18/08
"For a man's ways are in full view of the Lord, and he examines all his paths." Proverbs 5:21
Before I married, I lived a blissfully ignorant life. I was unaware of just how truly needy I was -- I believed myself to be very independent and confident. I did not know that I had it in me to shout unprovoked. I was ignorant to the ease in which I could flip between anger and sadness. I had no idea that my propensity towards tears could be distressing. I never expected the Lord to use my marriage as a catalyst towards change. [Let me insert a side note here: I am not at all implying that the Lord uses ONLY marriage to change us...it would be extremely daft to believe that. It is simply the manner in which the Lord chose to change me.]
Intimate relationships are like standing naked in front of one of those mirrors that they make for your face...the ones that show every pore and zit...all of them...even ones you did not know existed. Except this mirror is a full-length mirror, it's not just for your face. The thought of that frightens me.
As a singleton I went home alone when I was in a bad mood...I escaped to the retreat of my personal space where no one was there demanding anything of me. I could choose not to answer the phone. I could avoid anyone that caused me grief. It was a great time.
Now that I live with someone...a man, no less (well, two men if you count my cousin Andrew), I don't get much personal space. I can't be in a bad mood by myself. I have to be in a bad mood with someone else around. I can't cry in secret anymore. I can't eat myself into oblivion when I'm feeling badly without scaring my husband. I can't drive with him in the car and listen to my music (Joni Mitchell anyone??). I can't come and go as I please...(well, I could, but that wouldn't encourage much spousal affection, now would it?). Before, I could watch Bridget Jones' Diary everyday and The Mirror Has Two Faces every night. Now I watch Police Academy and football (horror of all horrors, though wasn't the Super Bowl exciting?!).
El Roi sees it all. We don't need to be married for him to be able to see us. He is up close and personal to our needs. He won't ask us to stand in front of a full-length, magnifying mirror in order for Him to see us better (unless you just really want to -- in that case, you go girl!). You can try to hide in a closet (sigh) when you need a good cry, but He'll be there listening to you. You can look for ways to self-medicate in secret when you're feeling lowly, but He'll be there.
He knows us intimately. He sees us...every character flaw, every positive trait, every good, bad, ugly. He sees it. You may try to hide from Him. Perhaps you have been running from yourself...running from Him. But it is all in vain. He sees.
May that knowledge comfort you...not frighten you. May it strengthen you, not weaken you. May you feel the comfort in being completely yourself with your Maker. You can act like a goof ball while you praise Him, He'll smile. You can cry for no reason in front of Him, He'll not judge you. You can shout too loudly, and He won't walk away. You can cry one minute and laugh the next, and He'll not look at you like you're nuts.
Try it...you will see that the Lord is good.
Lord, teach us the valuable lesson of being honest about who we are in your presence. May that honesty bring us into an intimate relationship with You. In Your precious name, Amen.